Loving My Legs - Part Two

In the winter of 2013, the body I live in was diagnosed with yet another chronic condition, called lipedema.  This is a fat disorder that causes disproportionate distribution of fat that is most often located in the legs. This type of fat holds onto fluid, and is an edema condition.  The lipedema fat is purported to be"unlose-able" through diet, exercise, etc.    I am fortunate that in my case, this lipedema fat distribution has been confined to the upper thighs. And I can still walk among the many and pass as relatively "normal".  Yet my gait was distorted and my right  knee was starting to turn from the large concentration of fat that retained fluid in my inner thighs.  I  would get fluid up to my abdomen that would throw off my balance and cause pain..   And another unfortunate problem was that I had been unable to lose much weight in almost 3 years. Until now...

So what changed?   This past September, I was able to go see Dr. Karen Herbst in Tuscon, Arizona, the premiere fat disorder doctor in the country.   She was able to determine that the lipedema fat in my body was limited and restricted to the inner and outer upper thigh at this time.  She also confirmed that there was lymphedema in my left limb and that this body had idiopathic edema as well.   Dr. Herbst was very concerned about the great deal of swelling / edema and documented several recommended treatments. This information was concise and given to me to take back to my primary health care source: The Veteran's Administration.

Shortly after this visit, my VA primary care provider started processing requests.  The first therapeutic item I received was a lymph pump.  The vendor's therapist showed me how to use this device and so I began doing two hourly treatments each day.   Next the VA scheduled me for two weeks of intense decongestive therapy with compression wrapping.  A wonderful Occupational Therapist with lymph drainage training worked with me and taught me quite concisely how to do manual lymph drainage on myself.   And the fluid started to move, and I started to lose weight.

All of these things were helpful and cathartic in my health improvement.  In fact, my right knee is no longer turning inward and my gait has returned to normal!  Yet perhaps there was something deeper responsible for this inertia.   The treatments were helping as the content, but there was a context I was operating under as well.

As a spiritual sojourner, I have become aware that much of these body conditions are either inherited through karma and often perpetuated by my own mind.  I do not wish to minimize or suggest anyone else's suffering or diagnoses are not real.  Yet the great faiths have a common thread/premise of sowing and reaping, blessing and cursing, and karma.   So I thought to myself, what if this extra hard lipedema fat was born from the thoughts and words that originated by others, and even more ironic, myself?  What if  I programmed my body every time I said, "Everything I eat goes to my thighs?"  Hmmm....

I decided to treat myself with grace in my approach to healing.  I stopped reading every research article about the myriad of ailments that have touched this body on the internet.   I came up with a mantra with positive body imaging and health habits.   I became active once more in church choir.  I became more devout in my meditation and meditation group participation.   I went on dates.  I took care of myself in the best way possible and spent less time thinking about "illness."

 I have no idea how far this progress will go.  I am loving myself and my legs that have carried me this far.   All I have is the present moment, and I am embracing life NOW.  To G-d be the glory!

And that's Penny's two cents.

So what are your two cents?  Have you had anything you ever told yourself that seemingly showed up in your body or other aspects of your life?  Please leave your comments.  I would love to hear from you!


Some current links on lipedema and mantras:

http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20160225006334/en/Lipedema-Foundation%C2%A02.2M-Awarded-Study-Bad-Fat
http://www.lipomadoc.org/lipedema.html
https://diseasetheycallfat.tv/about-the-lipedema-project/
https://yoga.com/article/mantras-how-they-work-and-the-best-mantras-for-healing

It's Valentine's Day --- Let's Play

It's always a great day to celebrate love and life!    So why not do it with gusto on Valentine's Day?   Whoa to you naysayers that say it's all about making the card and chocolate vendors rich!!  What-- you can't enjoy the day because you are single??  Say it isn't so!!!   

 I believe in the celebration of love and romantic love as an expression of the divine and what is intended for a full life.   So I am going to call a friend I haven't talked to for a while.  I'm going to wear that sexy little thing that most would only wear for a lover.  I'm going to smell the roses.  I'm going to write a poem.   I'm going to sing!  I'm going to dance!    Why??

"The body heals with play

The mind heals with laughter
and the spirit heals with joy

Come play with me

Whatever you know or don’t - Only Love is real".~Rumi~

Be joyous, my friends!!!   Love is all you need.

And that's Penny's two cents.

So what is your two cents on this Valentine's Day?  Tell me.... I want to hear!

Being the Peace on Earth

When the angels originally sang "peace on earth" at the advent of Christ, the people of the day expected a transformation of the world around them.  Yet, it seems that Jesus did little to change the external circumstances of the world.  Therefore, one might conclude that he was talking about inner peace--the inner peace he referred to as "the peace that surpasses all understanding".

Apparently, peace can be  a personal choice.  I can choose to turn off the Fox News or CNN rants and raves.  I can stop the Twitter feed.  I can choose to not equip myself with an arsenal in response to the violence.   I can choose not to hang around people who are easily angered or upset by what is perceived as catastrophe.

Both the Judeo-Christian notion of sowing and reaping and the eastern concept of karma allows for a causal benefit of individuals choosing to be at peace.  One then might conclude that the serenity which individuals practice in their lives might be contagious.   Perhaps then, the outer circumstances of the world could be infected by this peace.

This is a challenge.  I sometimes get upset.   I don't always meditate daily.   Yet, I can still catch myself and choose to not preoccupy my mind with the worries of a world in which I have no control over.  What can I control?   I can offer a smile to any being the universe sends my way.   And this is being the peace on earth.

God bless us everyone.

And that's Penny's two cents.

Fostering Loving Kindness

Last week, I had the privilege to talk to a mother of a baby.  What made this mom unique is that she is in her 60's.  She is a foster mom and this is one of many babies she has fostered and will continue to foster during her life.  The tiny girl had been only weeks earlier emaciated and failing to thrive.  Now this baby girl had a smile on her face to light up the room.   This foster Mom told me that she loved every baby she fostered and would cry when each one left.  She would not have any control over the future of these babies, yet knew that she loved them in a moment they needed her most.  And I realize this is such a wonderful contribution to our society.

 According to the most recent Census Statistics,  641,000 children were served by the foster system in the US in 2013.  One could rant and rave about the birth mothers and their neglect.  One could complain about how the "system" is encouraging low income mothers to have  babies they cannot afford.   But in truth, haven't most of us required others to help us in our parenting when there are moments we could not do it alone?

About 10 years ago, I had to stop working due to several chronic illnesses.  During that time, my daughter was still quite young.  My major symptoms have been  severe fatigue and pain.    I am so grateful for family members and friends who would take my daughter places when I could not.  There were a couple of close families who even took my daughter on vacations.  My daughter would have been neglected of many experiences had she not been "fostered" by the care of others outside our immediate family.

None of us can be perfectly attentive at all times.  Adults experience illnesses and emotional challenges that adversely affect our ability to parent.  At these times it is prudent to allow family and friends to help us to nurture our children.  "Foster care" of some sort is needed for our children to thrive in spite of our personal difficult circumstances.  It is unlikely we can do away with the elements that cause a child to wind up in the foster care system.  Yet we can support those who do the fostering.  Donations.  Volunteer.  Babysit.

 Let's give kudos to those wonderful people who are fostering children who can't be cared for by their own parents.  These people do this by personal choice and it requires relentless commitment just as all parenting does.  They step in and give love and care to the most vulnerable among us.  Foster parents are making our communities and therefore our world a better place for all of us.  

It's a challenge to the rest of us to step up and give loving kindness where ever we are able.

And that's Penny's two cents.

What's your two cents?  What is do you think about foster care or parents letting people care for their children who are not part of their biological families?  Please leave your comments.

A Time to Feel

How many of us heard,  "Don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about" when we were children? And we accepted this as meaning that it was wrong and dangerous for us to cry.  Why does a child cry anyway?   It could be sadness, anger, fear, discomfort or pain.   Sometimes crying children have needs that they are counting on a parent to meet. Sometimes they just need to express their feelings and cry it out.   Crying itself is not a misbehavior.  Yet many of us were indoctrinated into believing there was something wrong with crying or expressing any "negative" emotion.

Why does this matter?  It seems that most unhealthy behaviors are activated by attempting to subdue one's feelings or acting inappropriately to release feelings that a person has never learned to manage.  An emotion itself is not an action.  A person can experience the sensation of  sadness, anger, or fear and not act in a way that is a violation of another person's boundary.   The irony is that when a parent does not allow the child to express their feelings, they are reinforcing the notion that the child's boundaries do not matter.  And if a child isn't allowed to develop their own boundaries, then it is difficult for them to respect the boundaries of others.

What can an adult person do to remedy this conditioning?    First of all, pay attention to your actions.  Are you yelling at or insulting your loved ones?  Are you grabbing for that extra cookie, drink, or cigarette?   Are you overwhelmed in a depth of depression?   Take a time out for yourself to really feel your feelings.  Perhaps journal to get a perspective behind the true feelings.  If you are hurt or sad allow yourself to cry.    Take a bath.

Next try deep breathing.  Extend the deep breathing to full meditation.  Meditation has been shown to increase the size of the hippocampus.  An increase in the hippocampus allows the cerebral cortex (the logical brain) to take command of the limbic system (feeling brain).   Thus the result is that one can feel his or her feelings and have self control.

My teen daughter was crying the other day.  I asked her if there was anything I could do.  She said "no" and asked that I leave her alone.  I respected her wishes and let her cry, without trying to "fix" her situation.    This has not always been my practice.   And as for myself, it is time to allow myself to feel my feelings in their full glory.  And not try to "fix it" by subduing my feelings with toxic behaviors.

In this season of my life, it is a time to feel.

And that's Penny's two cents.


So what about your two cents?  Do you believe it is ok to chastise children for crying?  How do you manage your feelings?  Please do comment!



Some references:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3705194/
http://www.amazon.com/The-Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Empowering/dp/1897238452
http://www.living-consciousness.com/

Let Freedom Ring....

Here it is another Independence Day commemorating our freedom.   We claim to live in a free society, but what is freedom?  Is it the right to say whatever we want and shout it at the top of our lungs?  Is it the right to latch on to every word/sound-bite/tweet and spread our so called "enlightenment" via multi-media to the entire world?   For those who live in countries without freedom of speech, these freedoms we are allowed to  practice without legal action may seem a wonderful privilege.  But perhaps what many consider to be practicing freedom is actually part of what is fettering us from the inner peace and freedom that would truly improve the daily lives of all.

I personally would like to  free myself from the noise of discontent that is part of this "American dream in practice".    And how does one do this?  Ignore the ranting social media posts. Stop listening to CNN, Fox News, and all of their spokespersons.  Does it really matter if the sound bite comes from the Left or the Right?  Aren't most of these people basically saying the same thing?  Yet, yes, I've "drunk the kool aid" and allowed every perceived ill in society to invade my peace of mind.  And I am ready for true freedom.

What about the freedom to admit I am culpable in making the world what it is today?  What about the freedom to not engage in the petty fights?    What about just making an effort to be kind to those who are set in my path?  There is a famous "freedom fighter" who said "Be the change you want to see in the world".  And this freedom fighter, Mahatma Gandhi succeeded in freeing the nation of India from the British Empire .    So, perhaps turning off the TV with the rage-mongers and demonstrating compassion will lead us to be truly free.

May I practice freedom from discontent.  May God grant me the grace to be kind to all and uncomplaining.  Let freedom ring!

Happy Independence Day.   And that's Penny's Two Cents.


So what is your Two Cents?   What does freedom mean to you?

Loving My Legs

A couple of years ago as I was losing weight and walking more, it seemed that my thighs were increasing in size.  Eventually, this was confirmed when this body received a diagnosis of lipedema.  Lipedema is said to be an incurable fat disorder that predominately affects a person's legs, and mainly affects women.  It is estimated that 11% of the female population suffers from lipedema yet there are relatively only a small number of medical professionals who are aware that this condition even exists.  There is now some research in the works.  There are brave women with this diagnosis who are diligently pursuing all avenues to manage this ailment.  These include various diets, herbal supplements, compression garments, lymph drainage , massage therapies, liposuction, exercises, etc.   Many of these treatments are not covered by health insurance.  And being caught in a continual grind of researching and spending hours with personal treatments can feel like an endless downward spiral of despair.   It's time to for me to end this cycle, care for my body, but not let this process consume me.

Therefore, as of now, I am going to love my legs.  Lumpy, heavy, ... they still carry me.  They still allow me to walk my dog and to walk up to a friend and give a hug.  Time to stop the self-loathing and measuring myself against others.   Time to stop hiding.  Time to put myself out there fully as my best Self.    It is time to live.   Time to love.  Time to dance.  And time to remember that at an earlier point in history this body was considered a prime model for the image of goddesses.





June is Lipedema Awareness month.  Be kind to those of all colors, shapes and sizes, etc.  And that's Penny's two cents.

Some links for Lipedema Information:

http://www.lipomadoc.org/lipedema.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncvw-SwWk5Q
http://blog.lipese.com/2015/06/lipedema-film-fun.html