Fostering Loving Kindness

Last week, I had the privilege to talk to a mother of a baby.  What made this mom unique is that she is in her 60's.  She is a foster mom and this is one of many babies she has fostered and will continue to foster during her life.  The tiny girl had been only weeks earlier emaciated and failing to thrive.  Now this baby girl had a smile on her face to light up the room.   This foster Mom told me that she loved every baby she fostered and would cry when each one left.  She would not have any control over the future of these babies, yet knew that she loved them in a moment they needed her most.  And I realize this is such a wonderful contribution to our society.

 According to the most recent Census Statistics,  641,000 children were served by the foster system in the US in 2013.  One could rant and rave about the birth mothers and their neglect.  One could complain about how the "system" is encouraging low income mothers to have  babies they cannot afford.   But in truth, haven't most of us required others to help us in our parenting when there are moments we could not do it alone?

About 10 years ago, I had to stop working due to several chronic illnesses.  During that time, my daughter was still quite young.  My major symptoms have been  severe fatigue and pain.    I am so grateful for family members and friends who would take my daughter places when I could not.  There were a couple of close families who even took my daughter on vacations.  My daughter would have been neglected of many experiences had she not been "fostered" by the care of others outside our immediate family.

None of us can be perfectly attentive at all times.  Adults experience illnesses and emotional challenges that adversely affect our ability to parent.  At these times it is prudent to allow family and friends to help us to nurture our children.  "Foster care" of some sort is needed for our children to thrive in spite of our personal difficult circumstances.  It is unlikely we can do away with the elements that cause a child to wind up in the foster care system.  Yet we can support those who do the fostering.  Donations.  Volunteer.  Babysit.

 Let's give kudos to those wonderful people who are fostering children who can't be cared for by their own parents.  These people do this by personal choice and it requires relentless commitment just as all parenting does.  They step in and give love and care to the most vulnerable among us.  Foster parents are making our communities and therefore our world a better place for all of us.  

It's a challenge to the rest of us to step up and give loving kindness where ever we are able.

And that's Penny's two cents.

What's your two cents?  What is do you think about foster care or parents letting people care for their children who are not part of their biological families?  Please leave your comments.

A Time to Feel

How many of us heard,  "Don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about" when we were children? And we accepted this as meaning that it was wrong and dangerous for us to cry.  Why does a child cry anyway?   It could be sadness, anger, fear, discomfort or pain.   Sometimes crying children have needs that they are counting on a parent to meet. Sometimes they just need to express their feelings and cry it out.   Crying itself is not a misbehavior.  Yet many of us were indoctrinated into believing there was something wrong with crying or expressing any "negative" emotion.

Why does this matter?  It seems that most unhealthy behaviors are activated by attempting to subdue one's feelings or acting inappropriately to release feelings that a person has never learned to manage.  An emotion itself is not an action.  A person can experience the sensation of  sadness, anger, or fear and not act in a way that is a violation of another person's boundary.   The irony is that when a parent does not allow the child to express their feelings, they are reinforcing the notion that the child's boundaries do not matter.  And if a child isn't allowed to develop their own boundaries, then it is difficult for them to respect the boundaries of others.

What can an adult person do to remedy this conditioning?    First of all, pay attention to your actions.  Are you yelling at or insulting your loved ones?  Are you grabbing for that extra cookie, drink, or cigarette?   Are you overwhelmed in a depth of depression?   Take a time out for yourself to really feel your feelings.  Perhaps journal to get a perspective behind the true feelings.  If you are hurt or sad allow yourself to cry.    Take a bath.

Next try deep breathing.  Extend the deep breathing to full meditation.  Meditation has been shown to increase the size of the hippocampus.  An increase in the hippocampus allows the cerebral cortex (the logical brain) to take command of the limbic system (feeling brain).   Thus the result is that one can feel his or her feelings and have self control.

My teen daughter was crying the other day.  I asked her if there was anything I could do.  She said "no" and asked that I leave her alone.  I respected her wishes and let her cry, without trying to "fix" her situation.    This has not always been my practice.   And as for myself, it is time to allow myself to feel my feelings in their full glory.  And not try to "fix it" by subduing my feelings with toxic behaviors.

In this season of my life, it is a time to feel.

And that's Penny's two cents.


So what about your two cents?  Do you believe it is ok to chastise children for crying?  How do you manage your feelings?  Please do comment!



Some references:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3705194/
http://www.amazon.com/The-Conscious-Parent-Transforming-Empowering/dp/1897238452
http://www.living-consciousness.com/

Let Freedom Ring....

Here it is another Independence Day commemorating our freedom.   We claim to live in a free society, but what is freedom?  Is it the right to say whatever we want and shout it at the top of our lungs?  Is it the right to latch on to every word/sound-bite/tweet and spread our so called "enlightenment" via multi-media to the entire world?   For those who live in countries without freedom of speech, these freedoms we are allowed to  practice without legal action may seem a wonderful privilege.  But perhaps what many consider to be practicing freedom is actually part of what is fettering us from the inner peace and freedom that would truly improve the daily lives of all.

I personally would like to  free myself from the noise of discontent that is part of this "American dream in practice".    And how does one do this?  Ignore the ranting social media posts. Stop listening to CNN, Fox News, and all of their spokespersons.  Does it really matter if the sound bite comes from the Left or the Right?  Aren't most of these people basically saying the same thing?  Yet, yes, I've "drunk the kool aid" and allowed every perceived ill in society to invade my peace of mind.  And I am ready for true freedom.

What about the freedom to admit I am culpable in making the world what it is today?  What about the freedom to not engage in the petty fights?    What about just making an effort to be kind to those who are set in my path?  There is a famous "freedom fighter" who said "Be the change you want to see in the world".  And this freedom fighter, Mahatma Gandhi succeeded in freeing the nation of India from the British Empire .    So, perhaps turning off the TV with the rage-mongers and demonstrating compassion will lead us to be truly free.

May I practice freedom from discontent.  May God grant me the grace to be kind to all and uncomplaining.  Let freedom ring!

Happy Independence Day.   And that's Penny's Two Cents.


So what is your Two Cents?   What does freedom mean to you?

Loving My Legs

A couple of years ago as I was losing weight and walking more, it seemed that my thighs were increasing in size.  Eventually, this was confirmed when this body received a diagnosis of lipedema.  Lipedema is said to be an incurable fat disorder that predominately affects a person's legs, and mainly affects women.  It is estimated that 11% of the female population suffers from lipedema yet there are relatively only a small number of medical professionals who are aware that this condition even exists.  There is now some research in the works.  There are brave women with this diagnosis who are diligently pursuing all avenues to manage this ailment.  These include various diets, herbal supplements, compression garments, lymph drainage , massage therapies, liposuction, exercises, etc.   Many of these treatments are not covered by health insurance.  And being caught in a continual grind of researching and spending hours with personal treatments can feel like an endless downward spiral of despair.   It's time to for me to end this cycle, care for my body, but not let this process consume me.

Therefore, as of now, I am going to love my legs.  Lumpy, heavy, ... they still carry me.  They still allow me to walk my dog and to walk up to a friend and give a hug.  Time to stop the self-loathing and measuring myself against others.   Time to stop hiding.  Time to put myself out there fully as my best Self.    It is time to live.   Time to love.  Time to dance.  And time to remember that at an earlier point in history this body was considered a prime model for the image of goddesses.





June is Lipedema Awareness month.  Be kind to those of all colors, shapes and sizes, etc.  And that's Penny's two cents.

Some links for Lipedema Information:

http://www.lipomadoc.org/lipedema.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncvw-SwWk5Q
http://blog.lipese.com/2015/06/lipedema-film-fun.html

Declaring Our Independence

Since it's July 4th, it seems appropriate to declare our independence.  Let's look at embracing what will truly set us free.

Let us declare our independence from labels that make us feel less than our neighbor.  Let us declare our independence from needing to own guns to feel safe.  Let us declare our independence from working ourselves into the ground to live the "American Dream", which often results in our own personal nightmare.  Let us declare our independence of the idea that anyone should ever be excluded.

As you attend July 4th fireworks celebrations around our country, you may see that a group that gave to the country in the name of protecting our freedom are conspicuously absent.  Who are these people?  These are war veterans who's PTSD prevents them from enjoying the noise of fireworks because it mimics the sounds of war and danger.

Therefore, let us declare our independence from the notion that we need to continue to invest and participate in war as we have in the past.  Peace and compassion are the true paths to freedom.

And that's Penny' two cents.

Maintaining Sanity

I was outside walking my dear dog, Oreo (or should I say he was walking me).  I came upon a elderly woman who was talking to herself and I had an epiphany:   I could write a funny Tweet/Facebook post about how the delusional appear to be "normal" people who are using their blue tooth (or is the plural blue "teeth")?   It would be humorous and clever, of course.  And I could poke fun at myself because at times I also talk to myself.  But, as I came closer to this woman, I could hear what she was saying, and it wasn't so funny.

The names she used have been changed to protect perhaps the not so innocent.  But her rants went something like this:  I am chasing Mary.  I am chasing Mary Jones.  I am going to beat the hell out of Mary Jones.  I am chasing Bob.  I am chasing Bob Miller.  Bob Miller abused me.  I am going beat the hell out of Bob Miller.  Repeat.  Rewind.  Add a few more names and details.  These statements were her mantras.

Did this distress me?  No.  Hearing this woman ranting threats brought me sadness, then contemplation.  Haven't I previously had inner chants of victimization and even revenge going on in my mind?   What helped me overcome these inner negative statements?    Truth and Forgiveness.

The origin of many of my repetitive negative thoughts was deep repressed feelings from a lack of Truth around poor behaviors directed at me by others.   The Truth sets one free from the delusion.  But at first it is not comfortable.  The evolving reality requires change.  This change initially creates more rants, etc.   Therapy, journaling, conversing with "holy company" can all help one cope with all of the repressed feelings regarding seeing the reality of the situation a new way.  But this is only the beginning step.

After facing the reality of having received the bad behavior from the "other", the higher Truth is that I have been given the life I need to become the best expression of the Divine.  And once I understand the truth I am required to set boundaries with others to keep my Self healthy.  Then,  I must remind myself that all beings do their best, even those who have mistreated me.  All deserve forgiveness.

So I was given a gentle reminder:  Live and embrace Truth.  Stay aligned with Truth by setting healthy boundaries.  Forgive all.  My sanity depends on it!

And that's Penny's Two Cents.

On Weight and Clutter: First Things First

The body I live in has chronic illnesses at this moment.  Period.  Am I truly suffering from this?  No!!  Yet to be the best representative of my true Self I need to take care of myself in the present.  And this self-care needs to be my FIRST priority.  NOT as a means to an End but as something to embrace doing in the NOW.

I've resisted this in the past because I saw these self-care actions as some tedious thing that reminded me I was ill.  But the reality was that  I was looking at these actions as a means to an end (health) which is not a "bad" intention, yet it's missing the essence of mind-spirit-body well-being by taking me out of the present.

So I'm transforming my thoughts  on these things.  I am creating "To do lists" / "Schedules" for these health care treatments and calling them "Set Intentions".  I am creating a check off form for these items that will be set intentions that are daily, weekly, monthly, etc.  Setting intentions is graceful to myself as well accepting that God and the Universe may bring me something to embrace that falls out of the parameter of "my plans".

Here's a view into my Set Intentions for self-care:

Daily:

• Meditate 20 minutes
• Vinegar foot soak 30 minutes two times per day
• Lymphedema self massage with elevated feet two times per day
• Walk 3000 steps*
• Log food intake*
• Track walking and exercise*
• Modified yoga for healthy back 8 minutes*

Weekly:

• Swim 20 minutes two times per week*
• Weight training 20 minutes two times per week*
• Free style dancing (DYBO) 30 minutes one time per week*
• Cook / create new recipe that is healthful for me and delicious

Other:

• Make appointment for Physical Rehab regarding lymphedema
• Make appointment to request a SADS light

This is a start at making first things first in my life with grace.  I'm embracing life in the moment.  Let's see how this unfolds.

*These items I track on apps on my smartphone.