On Weight and Clutter: First Things First

The body I live in has chronic illnesses at this moment.  Period.  Am I truly suffering from this?  No!!  Yet to be the best representative of my true Self I need to take care of myself in the present.  And this self-care needs to be my FIRST priority.  NOT as a means to an End but as something to embrace doing in the NOW.

I've resisted this in the past because I saw these self-care actions as some tedious thing that reminded me I was ill.  But the reality was that  I was looking at these actions as a means to an end (health) which is not a "bad" intention, yet it's missing the essence of mind-spirit-body well-being by taking me out of the present.

So I'm transforming my thoughts  on these things.  I am creating "To do lists" / "Schedules" for these health care treatments and calling them "Set Intentions".  I am creating a check off form for these items that will be set intentions that are daily, weekly, monthly, etc.  Setting intentions is graceful to myself as well accepting that God and the Universe may bring me something to embrace that falls out of the parameter of "my plans".

Here's a view into my Set Intentions for self-care:

Daily:

• Meditate 20 minutes
• Vinegar foot soak 30 minutes two times per day
• Lymphedema self massage with elevated feet two times per day
• Walk 3000 steps*
• Log food intake*
• Track walking and exercise*
• Modified yoga for healthy back 8 minutes*

Weekly:

• Swim 20 minutes two times per week*
• Weight training 20 minutes two times per week*
• Free style dancing (DYBO) 30 minutes one time per week*
• Cook / create new recipe that is healthful for me and delicious

Other:

• Make appointment for Physical Rehab regarding lymphedema
• Make appointment to request a SADS light

This is a start at making first things first in my life with grace.  I'm embracing life in the moment.  Let's see how this unfolds.

*These items I track on apps on my smartphone.

On Weight and Clutter: Savor the Flavor #1

I recently discovered the lack of tasty home-cooked food is what was really weighing me down. As well as dreading the perceived work of cooking.  Healthy ingredients are a given.  But so are flavorful ingredients.  Ayurvedic medicine practitioners recommend each meal has all of the flavors in it.   They also say that what you are thinking when you cook affects the quality of the Although I won't always go to the full extent of Indian tradition, I do realize that it is important to have savory food on  a regular basis.  And I need to enjoy the preparation!

Chili Colorado Served Grain/Gluten Free and Very Low Sugar 

So here is my first edition of Savor the Flavor which will include a new original recipe or a link for a new recipe that falls within the parameters of the low carb diet I must follow to attain good health.  I also will include "Penny's Pointers"  extra tips for what I discovered in preparing this dish/meal.

Link for this weeks recipe:


http://davidsfreerecipes.com/chili-colorado

Penny's Pointers

1. Be especially mindful of the liquid in the meat while it is simmering and add more water if needed.
2. I substituted four (4) Sweet Mini Peppers (Orange and Yellow) for the green bell pepper since I had these in the house and the sauce was still delicious!
3. I served with 3 cups of romaine lettuce, 1/4 avocado, 2 Tbsp. Greek Full Fat Yogurt, and Salsa to keep in compliance with my doctor's recommended diet.
4. Vegetarian and Vegan friends, the sauce itself tastes amazing and can be used to make vegee and or cheese enchiladas, top burritos, put in soups or for whatever else you can imagine.  It makes a large quantity in concentrate so you do get a lot for your effort and you can freeze some for later use.

My sink, four days after preparing this dish - LOL!

On Weight and Clutter: The Weight of Dread

Yes, I received ANOTHER diagnosis recently:  pre-diabetes.  And a visit with a nutritionist helped me realize I wasn't eating enough in the morning which was contributing to my low energy in the daytime.  And what is really important is that now I realize the diet that my extremely cherished fibromyalgia doctor recommended to me six years ago would have likely prevented and can ultimately cure my last two diagnoses.  Furthermore,  I've been complaining about my health for several years (aka saying that this part of my life is sh*&) when the source of the stench is that I've had my head up my ass and not doing something that a valued physician recommended and I knew would really be helpful!!

The diet that Dr.  St. Amand recommends he calls the HG (hypoglycemic) diet.  He recommends a strict version for patients who are overweight (me) that cuts out all starches, sugar, starchy vegetables, and most fruits.  And interestingly enough, all of the diets that I researched for some of my other health conditions aka lipedema, lymphedema, multiple sclerosis, pre-diabetes fall within the same parameters of  my doctor's HG diet.  Consistently all diets for inflammatory conditions recommend cutting out sugar, processed grains, and gluten.  Now it's time to get off my butt and do what I knew I should have been doing for several years.  No excuses.

I started this a few weeks ago in conjunction with using a smartphone fitness app that records my food intake, steps walked, and exercise.  Then I fell off the wagon for about five days and felt bad and slept more.  Why did this happen?   I have allowed the heavy weight of dread to take over my life.  Yes, fatigue is a real issue for me.  But it is impossible to get anything done when I begin to anticipate the healthy activity as being a drain.  So I often was not cooking and doing meal substitutes (which are ok on occasion).  This was worse than the dread of fatigue from having to prepare, cook, and clean up.  In fact when I am honest with myself I realize that there have been times in my life I really enjoyed cooking.

I am no longer going to think about the work or the mess.  I am going to concoct or find new recipes with anticipation and think of it as a creative endeavor.  The work and mess will take care of themselves in due time.  (As I will have more energy to clean)!  Cooking will no longer be viewed by me as a means to an end,  but a joyful experience.  And I am going to introduce a new recipe that works with my diet via my blog each week with my own tips on preparing the recipe.

I feel invigorated and starting to see a way back to lighter living!

On Weight and Clutter: The Dog Stays: The Ego Gets Put on a Leash

Oreo with my Daughter

To my dear friends, 

I did not really disappear from the face of the earth.  But, yes, I was hiding.  Under a cloud of depression.  I am treading my heavy feet back into a place of  light.  Started a "new" medication and began a regimented diet and exercise plan.  Giving a new therapist a go at it since my last one moved out of the area.  Making the extra health care activities I was advised to attend to over the last few years a priority.  

I am thankful that I decided to keep my dear dog Oreo, even though at one point I felt like we were mutual burdens to each other.  Oreo appeared to be  the "burden" to me by  being a dog that likes to get into the trash, has destructive anxiety attacks over high-pitched noises (with good reason), and sheds his black fur all over the apartment .  I, being a burden to Oreo, because of my inability to give him the attention and exercise he needed.  Truth-be-told, I would not have gotten out of the house most days during the past five months if it wasn't for Oreo. And gradually we are both getting the exercise and companionship we need.

And, I understand now that Penny was vulnerable to going to this dark place because of Ego. Ego did not want to pay attention to the health issues Penny faces.  Ego wanted to be completely ethereal and upbeat.  Ego didn't want the drudgery of routines and schedules that reminded her of her bodies limitations.  Well now ego has no choice but to face the reality.  

Penny is moving ahead with gracious structure on diet, exercise, and routine.  The steps will be slowly but surely.  (Ego hates going slow!!!).  Penny is ready to live and move and breathe from a place of peace not frantic action.  This is a new skill for her.  And a full life is about constant growth.

On Weight and Clutter - Lifting the Heaviness of Being Home Bound

Yes I have some diagnoses in the body that I live in which often have me home bound.   And I often need extra sleep in the daytime.  There are needed health treatments that I can only  give myself in my home.  And this makes looking at the clutter even more oppressive and heavy.  Now, as I ponder again, I realize that I am making this more difficult for myself by lacking grace and a compassionate perspective.

I am an extrovert by nature, so staying home all of the time by myself is not my cup of tea.  I get energy by being around people.  And when I am feeling my best, I look around at my apartment's current state and see that I don't want to be here at all.  Even to enjoy some of my quiet endeavors like reading.  So perhaps, at times, some of my "needed" sleep is really a way of escaping the clutter which really only makes the load heavier.  So how do I get out of this loop?

I believe I need to structure more outings in my life (besides doctor and chiropractor appointments, that is).  I sometimes have not  allowed myself to get out when I feel guilt over the state of my household.  And the consequence?  More fatigue, and more clutter. I know now that for me getting out some will open a space of grace to cope with the clutter.  And most of all, dealing with the clutter, one piece at a time will open up the space so that I can get out and have more people in.

So I am going to schedule a couple of hours a week volunteering at my church.  I am going to schedule a lunch or dinner outing at least once a week.  And church choir starts back this week too.  I'm going to join a local business association and actually attend some of their events each month.  I am not going to overload my calendar.  Just add a few tidbits of socializing and joy to my life.

Meanwhile, I will continue to  fighting the good fight at home one piece of paper or bag of clothes at a time to rid my life of this weight and clutter for good.

And that's Penny's two cents.

On Weight and Clutter - The Heaviness of Pain

Oops, there it is.... that old "friend" of mine - pain.  Reared it's head again. Roared loud to see if I was paying attention.  And the good of it?   For me it keeps me on a path of amazing grace to Self that allows me to have that grace for others.

Why does pain empower my ability to have grace for my Self?  Because I must allow myself to be okay with the knowing that I am doing my best when others are not so kind in their opinions of me.  I have to be willing to stand alone with God and be okay if no one else believes that my struggle is severe.  My value is from just my be-ing.  Not from what I do or accomplish.  Actions and accomplishments that are most fruitful come from an enormous sense of grace and be-ing my true higher self.

So this pain is reminding me what my journey is all about.  As compassion to Self and others becomes ingrained, I will no longer need pain as a reminder.  Then healing comes.  I know this and have hope.  This hope lightens the heaviness that pain brings over me.

And in spite of this pain, over the past four weeks, I've gotten five bags of "good will" items out of the house, bought a car, got my daughter ready for the school year, and set my body free of six of the extra pounds that have been encumbering it.  Little things but important things.  So I will continue to plod on with doing what I can in the moment even when it is less than my "to do" list has on it for the day.  Mountains are moved by the little things.  So I will persist.

And that's Penny's Two Cents.

It's Not Me - It's A Programming Problem

A few weeks back I had an interesting experience while in the waiting room at the Social Security Office. A woman sat next to me who I believe mistakenly assumed I had a Psychiatry 5 Cents Sign above my head, like  Lucy of the Peanuts.  No, she did not pay me. But the lesson that reinserted itself into my life from her story was priceless.

My recollection of what this woman told me about her situation(s) is not taking a writer's liberty to exaggerate a bit for impact.  This is was exactly  what she claimed.  The brunette middle aged woman told me that she could not work and could not provide for her son and that no one would help her.  After fighting Social Security for disability myself for 7 years, this wasn't surprising to me.

Then as she proceeded to talk to me, her story made a big fish story seem like God's truth.  The woman claimed that she had been diagnosed with cancer. Then she said she was injured at work.  She stated that when she was injured, co-workers walked by her fallen body and would not help her.  She further asserted that none of the workman's compensation doctors in our city would look at her.  She claimed to have been at every hospital in town for her issue.  This woman also said that the company she worked for when she was injured tried to cover up her injury.  She said that this company had sent people to try and kill her and had set her home on fire. And that the police would not pursue the crime because of the influence of this company. She also alleged that an attorney who was supposed to be helping her stole $300,000 from her.  Oh,  and the woman claimed that she had approached all of the news stations and they would not cover her story.  Believe it or not there were more allegations, but I want to keep it short and to the point (chuckle).

As I sat there, rather amused.  It was one of the most ridiculous conspiracy stories I had ever heard out of someone's mouth.  And I then thought to myself that even if this isn't true this woman is making herself frightened and miserable just by thinking and talking about these made-up tragedies.  She is programming her life for disaster by repeating these false stories..  That's when I had an "A-Ha" moment.  Perhaps, I, too, create suffering in my life when  I think and speak about my circumstances  from a negative position.  Even if they are "true".

So I again am changing my language in my thoughts and words.  I am no longer going to say that I am disabled or living on disability.  If someone asks what I do for a living I will tell them I write and mention some of my voluntary activities.  They don't need to know that my check comes from social security.  If a person asks how I am feeling, I am going to say "Great, but need a little rest"  instead of saying I am tired.  When I am doing activities recommended by my doctor I am going to tell myself this is what I am doing to keep my body in good health instead of agonizing and thinking I am doing this because I am ill.  I am changing the my story and my programming.  And making myself happier by doing so.

As far as the woman, I left her sitting there when my number was called to repeat her story to another.  I didn't bother to tell her that it would be easy for her to be awarded disability for  schizophrenia.

And that's Penny's Two Cents.